From Emily Johnson:
Two things happened this week that were relatively inconsequential to the news cycle, but that I can’t stop thinking about. First, a psychology student from Kamina Methodist University died of malaria. Didn’t even make the news. Second, This American Life aired their first ever story retraction. Mike Daisey, author and performer of “The Agony and the Ecstasy of Steve Jobs” admitted that his expose about the human rights violations related to the production of various “iProducts” was, in large part, a fabrication.
These things, to me, are huge. Because I saw myself in both of them, and both of them are deeply humbling. Again and again, I am struck with the reality that pulling the long straw, being born in the USA, has “protected” me from living the life of my Congolese brothers and sisters, where someone my age, studying the same field as I am, died from a completely treatable disease this week. When bad things happen at random, to seemingly good people, sometimes people say, “Wow, that could have been me.” And there is conviction behind that, but also the safety of the knowledge that it wasn’t you. When I hear news like this, through the miracle of modern technology (read: facebook), I feel compelled to grab everyone around me by the shoulders and say, “No, really, that could have been me.” And how do we allow this to happen in our world, that on one side of the globe I am here, owning a house, and pets, and going to graduate school with a little elbow grease and a little luck, and on the other side of the world, someone exactly like me is dying. On days like this, I confess, I don’t understand God. Well, the reality is that I never understand God, but sometimes more acutely than others.
Then there was Mike Daisey—who created this miracle of modern story-telling, with a compelling, convicting voice with the pauses in all the right places, and told us all about how horrible Apple is for doing terrible things to people in developing countries. Making them make our electronics by working 60 hours a week with poisonous substances in a cramped, inhumane factory (no mention of how this is made possible by exploiting Congo and the rest of Africa to get the raw materials necessary to construct said electronics). And the country is mad because we believed him. He was so compelling. He made us care. But it turns out, he didn’t really see or experience these things. And so his “creative nonfiction” about Apple was really “creative fiction”. I listened to his interview on this American Life, as he tried to explain why he lied to the country about human tragedy. He said this: “...I think the truth always matters. I think the truth is tremendously important… I don’t live in a subjective world where everything is up for grabs. I really do believe that stories should be subordinate to the truth. …And everything I have done in making this monologue for the theater has been toward that end – to make people care. It’s theater. I use the tools of theater and memoir to achieve its dramatic arc and of that arc and of that work I am very proud because I think it made you care, Ira, and I think it made you want to delve. And my hope is that it makes – has made- other people delve.”
Daisey goes on to tell Ira Glass that the things he talked about (underage workers, cruel living conditions, required overtime, harsh working conditions, etc etc) were things that happened in Apple plants… just not things that happened to him or that he witnessed. And he couldn’t stand the fact that this was an important story that America didn’t care about, and that he just wanted to make them care, and that it was worth it, even if it required a bit of “artistic license”.
The thing is, I wasn’t mad at Daisey, like the rest of the country. I completely understood. I think, that since coming back from the Congo and expanding my writing skills to being published in a few different genres, that I finally feel comfortable calling myself “a writer”. So I know what it is like to be a writer in a place like that, where horrible things happen to horrible people, and to want to make people care even if it means lying. Because it’s worth it, right?
Not quite coincidentally, my second essay about my time in the Congo went live yesterday. The differences between Daisey and I are huge and small at the same time. Because I feel that on some level, I understand him, am just like him—a nomad, a traveler, a writer, just wanting to make Americans care about something. But, I also didn’t lie about my experiences. I went to places where I took hundreds of pictures, not because I wanted to have them, but because it was just too much to bear to look with the naked eye. I had to have the camera between me and the world around me. And I came back, and I wrote about it. And I got published. I am proud and not proud at the same time, because I exploited this experience for personal gain. But people loved and respected it. People said to me, we want to send you everywhere, to Afganistan and the middle east and everywhere, so you can bring back your understanding and share it with us.
And I felt proud, but also humble, and guilty. You see, I’m kind of a one-trick pony when it comes to writing. I am good at making people care. Better than Mike Daisey. Because I’m good at making people see tragedy. I see the brokenness of humanity in stark images everywhere I look. I did not have to go to the war zone or the refugee camps to make people see Congo. I am good at seeing the horror and destructiveness in the every day scenes. I’m good at putting them into words, and making people see the world as a brutal, broken place, which it is, in a lot of ways. But I’m also a “liar”, in a sense, just like Mike. Because I’m bad at making people see the grace and beauty of God. It is a lie to say that I went to the Congo and only saw the brokenness and weakness of myself and humanity, but that’s what I write about, have written about.
I think that, we, as humans, are so broken, and need God so much, that it’s hard for all of us to see beauty sometimes. I am familiar with the language of pain and loss. This, I have come to believe, is normal. When the fall of man happened, humans learned, for the first time, the language of pain and loss. We glutted ourselves on it. I joke sometimes that since I came back from Congo, I have a brutal French vocabulary; I know all the French words related to rape and violence and fire and destruction, but none of the words related to beauty and sunrises and babies.
Writing about beauty is an advanced skill for writers. As Louise Gluck wrote, “We can all write about suffering with our eyes closed.” Writing about God’s grace and peace in everyday life in America or in the Congo requires stepping outside of our humanness. I was thinking the other day that part of becoming a “missiologist” is learning to see yourself for what you really are—a depraved, messy, sinful, hopeless creature without God. Sometimes, as Americans, we have to travel to the other side of the world to see that, because we have an unspoken belief in our own specialness, our own divine potentiality, our own ability to save others. We will never understand how we can be missiologists without understanding our own nature as selfish, weak, hopeless beings that fall short without God. We are not saviors. We are not special, or different, just by virtue of being born in America.
However, this acquisition of humility is only the first step. We see that we are broken so that we can be made whole. As the saying goes, God accepts us just as we are but He loves us too much to leave us that way.
I confess that I am still in phase I, a baby missiologist, learning to embrace my own weakness. My writing lies, my speaking lies, my story lies, because I so often fail to understand or acknowledge the greatness of God. I fail to recount the memories of the beautiful African sunsets and how different and more nuanced they are than the sunsets in America. I fail to understand the beauty of the people I met and love. Like an infant who must crawl before they can walk, sit before they can stand, I remain lost in the attempt to place myself accurately (if that’s possible…) within human nature, before beginning to learn how to place myself within God’s nature. My essays are about death and heartache and hardship. All of this is true and honest—this is the way the world is, and an accurate understanding of it is not accessible to most of us. So it is true that even by speaking the truth of the hardship in Congo, I do a service for God. But, God has called us to so much more—He stretches me as a writer and as a person by asking me to move beyond that. To show people the grace and beauty and salvation that is in Congo and that is in me. I hope that I’m up to the challenge.